Go Home

    At the end of 1996, seeing the difficulties we met in our life in a rented room and realizing the honesty of Changli, Grandma felt that I was right in choosing Changli. She asked us to go back to her home for living. We were to live in the small room of 8 square meters I used to live in. The single bed in the room was replaced by a double bed. Then we had no place for the old cabinet that Grandma would not throw away. So we had to pile it up. The room seemed quite congested, yet we would not have to move anymore. We brought much trouble to Grandma, but she said, "It doesn't matter about troubles. What I worry about is that your parents might leave you helpless and starved after my passing away. I'm worrying about your future instead of your residence at present."

    It was almost unpractical to cram all our belongings into that 8 square meter room. So I had to sell my piano though I was terribly unwilling to do so. But I could not pile the cabinet on the piano and neither could I pile the piano on the cabinet. Either way would make piano playing impossible.

    I had some appreciation of the difficulties in our life when I was making friends with Changli. The people around me were all against our marriage. Grandam was especially in objection. She thought she had brought me up over difficulties and found me disregarding her teachings. I knew she was suffering from heart breaking and very much worried in that period. But I knew there were no way for me to satisfy both sides. I was really in love with Lili and I could not abandon him. Grandma had warned me all about the difficulties awaiting us before our marriage. I fully realized how difficult our road would be in the future. But I had determined to do my best.

    The difficulties we met were beyond the imagination of common people in our life. For instance, I frequently made mistakes when I went shopping for daily life. Then I had a conclusion of experience to use nothing I had not used before and to dare to eat nothing that I had not tasted before. Because I had to recognize something I wanted by the colors on the package. I could not know what I had not seen before. I tried to ask the clerks at supermarket, whose replies as usual was "Just go to see them on yourself. Isn't it written on them?" Sometimes I would explain to them, "I can't see. Please tell me about the goods." But what I had often met with were their suspicious sights and staring at me without saying a word that left me in embarrassment. As a result of the similar cases several times, I became reluctant to ask. If there were something I especially wanted to know, I had Lili to find out for me. Since Lili's eyes could clearly show his unmistakable blindness.

    Many times I made silly mistakes when we went shopping. It was near a Spring Festival, I bought a shirt for Changli at Carrefour Shopping Center. He took it for a trial but kept silent at it. I asked him if the shirt fit him or not. But he just passed the shirt to me without saying anything. I found the it was short-sleeved that made me to laugh terribly at myself. But Lili said, "Never mind. I just need a short-sleeved shirt for summer." I could understand he was afraid of my distress on invisibility. I was wrong to take cabbage instead of the lettuce I wanted. And I had mistaken a tasteless turkey leg for a large piece of chicken leg. Once when we went shopping at noon, Lili saw something in green. He was asking what it was when it started moving and speaking, "This is a leg, not for sale." It was a man sleeping on the counter. I laughed so terribly again that tears came to my eyes.

    There was indeed a lot of difficulties in the life of blind people like us. But I did not discouraged. I would not mind anything since I loved Lili. At that time I found a job in a piano company in tuning pianos for customers. There was heavy vehicular and human traffic in Beijing. I had to walk carefully on the way everyday. Yet I could not keep away from all accidents. One day when I was walking at the entrance of Changan Market, I heard some sounds behind me and quickly I was knocked aside and fell heavily on the ground together with a lady of middle age. She was ridding a bicycle on the sidewalk. But she said unreasonably, "I told you to step aside but you did not listen to me!" I said, "You've been riding a bicycle on the sidewalk and you have bumped into me. Do you have rights for doing those things? My words forced her to apologize to me. I was busy on my way to a customer's house. So I went on my way without saying anything more. But my wrist started swelling to   multiplied size in the evening. Lili felt the injured spot and said I was suffering from radioulnar separation and a fixation was required. It was an unexpected disaster to us. I noticed that especially beside Changan Avenue some bicycle riders were often going on those pavements on the special sidewalks for the blind. Abundant blind sidewalks were paved in the state but their random use  resulted in the distrust of the sidewalks by the visually handicapped. Nevertheless it was convenient for the cyclists while dangerous for the blind walkers.

    We liked to play outdoors at offhours. One Sunday Lili and I went climbing the Fragrance Hill. Lili was afraid of my giving up halfway. So he bought an album of cat and red autumnal leaves for browsing at intermediate rests and wanted to facilitate my climbing up to the hilltop. Then we started our climb. But we met with a group of people midway up the hill. I saw an old lady who had taken a tumble and was trying to stand up. I went over to tell her that my husband was a physician who could take a look at her injury. Lili felt her leg and said her leg might have suffered a triangular bone fracture. He told her, "Don't try to stand up, I'll help you have a fixation of the fracture and gave you  an analgesic tablet, then you'd better go to a hospital sooner for a treatment. I often had a headache so we took some analgesic with us. I was very glad to render help to others. Thanks to Lili for his album, I was pulled up to the hilltop by Lili. That was my first time of climbing up to the top of a mountain.

The Sea

    I had been longing to see the sea since my childhood but I had no chance all the time. Lili suggested to have a visit to the seashore. But I was afraid to do that and said to him, "Both of us could not see. What can we do if we get lost?" Lili said, "Beijing used to be unfamiliar to you. But due to your efforts, you can go everywhere in Beijing now. We might not know about the places on the seashore during our first visit there. But we can get to know them later. We can go there every year." I thought he might have been right. In the summer of 1997, we started our journey to the seashore.

    The place we lodged was in the south to Beidaihe with the name of Golden Coast. We left our luggage at the hotel and hurried out to see the sea. Arriving at the seashore, we saw the vast sea stretching to the horizon, where water and the sky blended in one color without any boundary. I smelled the salty and fishy odor of the seawater and stepped on the soft sand underneath. Waves were splashing around our feet seemed in caressing and inviting us. When we dip and swam in the seawater, Lili kept in the deeper side ahead of me. He was afraid of my drowning. But I always wanted to try swimming in places where my feet could not touch the seabed. Lili warned that I might get drowned. I thought I might go to have swimming lessons after we return to Beijing, then I could take his care.

    We went to the seaside again in the evening. It was frightening dark on the sea and nothing could be seen. When we returned to the bank, I suddenly saw many lights on the road. Lights also appeared in the nearby hotels. Many people were walking on the road. Occasionally the lights were shaded by some people and blinked with flashes. Suddenly I thought 'Aren't they like the stars  in the sky as told by people that winking their eyes flickeringly up in the sky?' But I had never seen the stars since my birth. So I thought they might be the stars in the sky. How beautiful they are!

Passed for Deep Water Swimming

    Back to Beijing, I really wanted to learn swimming. But when I applied at all the adult swimming classes in the city, I was refused by every one of them because of my blindness. Their explanation for refusal was the fear about drowning of blind people when swimming was taught. I had no other ways. So I went to learn swimming on myself in the "World on Water" in Youth Lake Park, which was shallow enough to avoid any drowning. I approached the lifeguards in charge of the children's slide to ask if they were able swimmers. They answered, "Sure enough we are good swimmers. Or else how could we expect to do life saving." Then I asked them to teach me how to swim. They agreed and gave me a three-day course. Afterwards I went to practice swimming in Ditan Swimming Gymnasium and received the coaching by Mr Ji, one of the lifeguards. One month later I passed the test and received my deepwater pass for swimming. I even wanted to tell those swimming classes I had learned how to swim and won the deepwater pass without getting drowned.

    I had often heard talks about "Handicapped should realize an improvement in quality to win social recognition. But the problem lies in how can we get the improvement! In my case, I got my coaching in swimming only after overcoming considerable difficulty. I understand we should improve our quality to make ourselves understood by other people around. I thought I have the responsibility in helping people to understand the existence of blind tuning technicians as well as to help people in understanding this community of the handicapped. I had started from my childhood to know the necessity of learning all kinds of abilities, such as bicycle riding; roller skating, skateboard riding; swimming; walking on the road without a stick, etc. I am learning boxing in several styles like the Korean style and the Tongbi style. I learned all those items on the purpose to show that blind people could realize beautiful hopes through exertion of appropriate efforts and handicapped people especially need the understanding from the mass. We hope not to be looked upon as living upon the relief of other people. We hope to live our lives like healthy people that through exerting our doubled or tripled efforts.

Lili Said You Should Try!

    I liked the sea. It gave me strength, self-confidence and courage. It also made me understand that I should be broad-minded. It had been an indispensable   spiritual energy. So I hoped to let the people around enjoy the sea. I remember during the first time that I took the member of our company to the seashore,  our manager was on a performance tour abroad. So I was left to head the group. That was the first time for me to be responsible besides our tuning   business. There of course were dangers as well as difficulties to be met in grouped tours. I had to get up at five o'clock that morning. I had all my preparations made with much consideration given to everything taken as  important. At the very last moment just before I left home, I turned back to cry while embracing Lili. Lili said, "This is your first time in taking such responsibility. As long as you take a trial and get to understand it, then you should not be afraid of it. Roads would be broader the more you walk on them."   That tour was completed smoothly. Later I took groups on tour for many times and to many different places. Things were just as what Lili had said, "Trying would make things you did not know and afraid of become a road leading to your destination.

Sending Medicine

    Once I was suffering from a fever of 39.5 degrees centigrade. Grandma said she would go to the hospital with me. I said, "No. I've already grown up to go myself. I Went to Changqiao Hospital. The doctor had me injected by infusion and prescribed some Chinese herbs. I thought the infusion would take much time, so I might as well have the herbs decocted there. But due to my high fever, the nurse made the infusion going at a slow speed and it finished after four hours. However the herbs decocting was not finished at that time when  the decocter asked for my home address. So I told him where my home was situated. He told me his name was Li Cong and his home was not far from my home. "You would not have to wait for the medicine. If you could trust me, I would send it to your home." That was beyond my expectation. I happened to be going to fix a key of piano at a customer's home, so I said 'Thank you very much' and went for my own business. Grandma was waiting for me when I got home in the evening. She was on an anxious air and said,"I was worrying for you the whole day. Why did you not phone back home when you left the hospital?" Then I came to realize I had forgotten to let Grandma know where I had gone. But Grandma just said, "As long as you had come back, my worries had all been over." But I felt very sorry. I knew Grandma must have been worrying seriously, and the youngsters could hardly fully appreciated the love from the elder generation forever. I know I should never do like that again. I would think more over for our elders. I also hoped that we should not be tired of the thorough urging given by elders. If we could take everything rather from the elder's positions, then would have more appreciation of elder's deep love granted to us.