A few days afterwards Grandma brought home a brown pussy for me and told me, "She is your friend." Thrilled with joy, I gave her a name BROWNIE. Soon we really became good friends. We played together in daytime. I gave her the same kind of food like my own to eat. During the night she slept beside my pillow. One night, when I got up for the latrine, I nearly got frightened when I groped something wooly in half dizziness. I instantly realized it was Brownie. I found her body lacked warmth upon contact. So I thought she must have been feeling cold and put her beside me in my quilt. I liked to hear her rhythmic snoring. Sometimes I would even spent attentive time listening to that little animal's snore for a long while. Granddad told me a story of cat's snoring. There was a popular legend in our country saying that cats cursed Baogong. (Baogong was a famous strict judge a thousand years ago in the Song Dynasty of China's History) The legend tells about the disruption of Dongjing, the capital of the Song Dynasty by five rats many years ago. Baogong invited an animal from heaven to eat the rats and that animal was a cat. Baogong promised to send the cat back to heaven when she wiped out  the rats. When the cat came down to earth, she really caught the five rats, with the four claws grabbing a rat in each, and holding the fifth in her mouth. But accidentally, the rat in one of her right claws escaped. That rat bred her offspring and rats multiplied in ever enlarging numbers. So Baogong left the cat on earth. But the cat was angry with Baogong and she blamed Baogong by snoring frequently. I questioned Granddad: "Was that story heard from the cat?" and he answered: "Oh, no! It is merely a legend." I did not know what was a legend yet at that time and I just learned that cats could abuse people. Grandma said:"Although people say cats are like treacherous officials and dogs are like faithful officials. Actually, if you treat cats kindly they would be nice to you. A person must always live an honest life before they can hope for a nice future like cats."

      I loved my Brownie very much. So I begged Granddad to buy me a toy cat. But he said: "You have no need for a toy cat when you already have a live one." But I continued begging for one. At the same time, I was especially interested in a small tricycle for children. Granddad thought it dangerous because my eyesight did not allow traffic seeing. So he figured that could be considered only after I grew older. I was so anxious for it that I begged for the tricycle time after time. Finally Granddad promised to buy a cat for me. But I begged for a beautiful cat. Granddad then agreed to buy one the next day.

      I started waiting for him to bring me a cat right after Granddad went out the next day. My wait was not over until the evening when Granddad returned with a porcelain cat. That cat was a jar for keeping saved money. Granddad said: "This cat was one from a pair of porcelain ware, in which one of the cats had eyes wide open and the other winking. As your name is Mimi (also meant winking in Chinese), I bought the winking eyed one for you." I was somewhat  disappointed at first. Because I thought porcelain ware lacked warmth as a toy. Yet, beyond my expectation, that  was eventually left over as the only souvenir toy of my childhood. At a fair in the Temple of Earth, Beijing in 1997, I found a porcelain cat fortunately with eyes wide open just as described by Granddad. I bought it to complete the pair with the one I kept and stored them in my cabinet. Years have elapsed with my age. Toys that had accompanied in my childhood have been abandoned one after another. But only the winked cat remained as the witness of the life in my childhood.

      For quite some time in my early days I had thought my eyes were just the same as others and I could see just the same as them. Even when Grandma told me: "Your eyesight is poor and you might not be able to see what visible to others." Yet  I did not appreciate what she said. I liked to play on a swing at the Lake Rending Park. Grandma allowed me to go and play there when I reached the age of five. But I did not dare to go myself and begged Grandma to take me there. Grandma was not willing to do that no matter how much I cried. She said: "You are already five years old and should be able to go on yourself." I kept on begging by saying: "But I wonder why does our neighbor's child Leilei can have her Grandma to take her out." Grandma answered: "Because your eyes cannot see anything normally. So you must try harder before you can live in this social environment." I did not understand her at that time. I could only wondered: " Why must I try harder? Why can't I see anything?"

      As I grew older, I liked to go and play in more distant parks. Grandma often asked me where to go,  Beihai Park (or the Northern Sea Park in Chinese) or the Palace Museum. I asked her: "What can I see in the Palace Museum?" Grandma said: "There you can see the ancient imperial palace buildings." I thought those were not what I'd  like to see. I might as well went to Beihai where I could swing and slide down on the children's slide. At first, every time we went to the Beihai Park, Grandma would tell me to take a bus by myself and get down to wait her at the fourth stop while she would go shopping at first. Later she asked me to go to the entrance of the park and wait her there after getting off the bus. Every time when I asked what had been bought before she came to the park, she always said she had not found what she wanted in the market.

      I remembered we used to have a small cart made of bamboo when I was a little kid. Grandma used it to take vegetables or do anything else when she always put me in the cart. While she pushed it going along the road, I liked to see Grandma's large pair of feet on which she usually had a pair of white socks and black shoes. The cart made a creaking sound in movement that overwhelmed the sound of Grandma's steps. Thus I could not hear Grandma's steps but vaguely saw her flickering and briskly feet. The movement of her feet looked somewhat like skating on ice or floating in the air. Seeing Grandma's feet brought me with a lot of imaginations. I felt like Grandma and I had learned to fly and go everywhere we wanted at ease. Then those evil fellows could never reach to harm us.

      Those memories seems to be what happened yesterday. I miss my Grandma. I yearn for my childhood and the little cart with creaks.

      In an instant I reached the age for school going. Just like other children, I started to hope for school going. Grandma had more and more white hairs on her head. Holding me in her arms, she frequently talked to herself: "How easy would it be if Mimi could remain a child forever." I could not understand Grandma at first. But now I have come to realize  that she was afraid that I might not be able to support myself!

      For entrance application, Grandma went together with me to a school. After an examination, a teacher told us: "This child is very clever but she can not see the blackboard. Therefore we cannot take her as our pupil." At the commencement of the school, all the other children went to school, leaving me swing lonely by myself. I cried out aloud suddenly saying: "Grandma! I want to go to school too." Grandma answered in her tears: "I would try to take you to all the primary schools in the East District of Beijing next year and try for entrance applications. In case there might be any school that would take you, I will send you there and take you back everyday. We'll not be afraid of any distant difficulty." In the next year, Grandma did try at one school after another. But we met with all the similar answer: no school would take me and my eyesight was too poor.

      One day Grandma struck on the memory that my younger sister must go to school soon. At that time, my parents and sister were living in a county of Hebei Province. Grandma figured that the school in a small city might not be so strict in regulations. If I could study in the same class with my younger sister, she could help me to overcome my difficulties. So Grandma discussed with me and asked me  how about going to school where my mother was. At first, I was reluctant to go there after meeting all my failures. But Grandma explained to me for days and taught me: "You can gain ability only by studying at school." Finally I agreed to go to school there, though reluctantly. Soon mom came to get me. I could hardly release my holding hands on Grandma at our parting. Both Grandma and I wept. But she  said: "Go and study to get knowledge at school. Children eventually must return to their parents. There you have your own home. I have taken care of you from the time you were five months old and had you grown up. I think I have fulfilled my responsibility to you. You should go back to your parents'," Grandma said continuously. I could only get half the meaning of those words, while thinking only of gaining ability and then coming back to Grandma's with it.

      Arriving at my new home, I found everything seemed to be novel to me. Sister picked up a doll for me to play with. I put it swinging on the wire for hanging clothes. Sister suggested going to the field to collect grass for pig feeding. She led me into the cropland where I saw rows of green plants extending to the distant horizon. I had never seen such a wide open field and the green color filled in my eyes before. Sister urged me to pull up weeds. I kneeled down and saw the field was full of green grass. So I pulled up half a basketful in a short time. Sister was just putting a handful of weeds into her basket. Suddenly she yelled at me, "Why! You are pulling the green wheat." Just then, I discovered what I gathered were not weeds. Sister immediately emptied my basket, took my hands and went home with me quickly.

      In the evening, when sister had slept and there was no one to play with me, I started thinking of Grandma. Usually, it was the time for Grandma to call Brownie and me to bed. But now! Where is Grandma? She must be thinking for me too. For the first time in my life I experienced the sorrows of longing.

      It seemed quite a long time before the commencement of school I had been waiting for. I got up before sister that morning for preparing to go to school. Nevertheless, to my astonishment, mom was going to send sister to school, while leaving me at home. I cried out. I came only for a chance to study at school. Outside of that purpose, there was no other reason for me to leave Grandma. Sister asked mom: "Didn't  you tell me that my sister would go to school with me? Why is she not allowed to go with me?" Mom said: "My dear girl! You go and study as a good student. When you grow up, you can try for a college entrance examination and win a career for our family. Your sister can not see anything. She is disabled. There is no use for her to go to school. We can get some one to marry her when she is grown up, and that will do."  I questioned mom: "Aren't you afraid of Grandma's criticizing?" She said: "I am not afraid of that. You are my daughter. There would be no use for you to mention this to Grandma. She can be worried for you only." When mom and dad sent my sister to school. I was left with great grandma at home. She said to me: "You can only submit to your fate. What can you do with your poor eyesight? Your ambition may be great but your fate is miserable." I listened to her murmurs but only half understood her words.

      In the days that followed, I frequently heard them talking about my blindness and there was no use for me to live in the world. Mom would not allow me to play outside. She thought people could discover my blindness and that might bring shame to her. In any quarrel between sister and me, they would support sister and wanted me to yield to the younger one as the elder sister. A few days later, mom told me to learn to do something, since I became nearly eight years old. She ordered me to do such workings as floor mopping, table cleaning, room tidying, hog and chicken feeding, as well as courtyard sweeping. In the morning and  evening, I had to cook porridge. I had to pump out enough water to fill the water vat. While doing all those odds and ends, I thought they not only refused to let me study at school, instead they were treating me as a servant. So I would not work for them. Let us watch the outcome!

      When great grandmother taught me how to sweep the floor,  she told me to sweep carefully, "Don't allow the dirt spread all around the room." 'As you emphasize to sweep step by step, I purposely do the sweeping in an irregular order against your wish. When you want me to sweep gently, I purposely make strong sweeping strokes.' After having me taught for several days, she was gradually aware that I was going against her. So she got angry and tried to beat me with a broom. But I ran slowly away while saying to her: "A feet-bounded old woman like you would never be able to catch up to beat me. Grandma had been looking after me so many years while she never tried to beat me. You won't be able to do that to me." Mom heard about the conflict  between us when she came back from working. She said: "I don't believe that I can not tame you to be good. She taught me how to feed the pig by pouring the feed into the trough only and avoid leaving anything outside. Resenting their unfairness, I purposely poured the feed onto the pig's head. Seeing that mom shouted immediately: "Watch out! Can't you see it?". I replied: "Blind I am. But why did you give birth to a blind child?" Irritated, mom beat me with the spoon for pig feeding and spread the pig feed all over me. I did not cry, just filled with hatred. After being beaten many times, I learned to avoid frontal conflict and resorted to silent opposition. I learned quickly the jobs given me. But in my mind I hid my resentment. They wanted the porridge  cooked dilute. I started cooking early at six o'clock in the morning when they were all asleep. 'Well! You can enjoy your sound sleep, while I can get the porridge thickly cooked.' The porridge was so thick that a spoon could easily stand upright in it. When eating the jelly-like porridge, they had to scold me without any effect.

      When winter arrived, my heart also became chilled. I failed to study in a school. What am I to do in the future? The time I most feared of during a day was the dusk. The sun was to   set and birds were all flying back to their nests. Smoke curls rose slowly over the roofs of village bungalows. People were all on their homeward ways. At this time, the unique noisy roars started in the village residence. I thought of my Grandma far away and she must be thinking of me too. She must be waiting for me to go to school and obtain ability to go back to her. My Brownie might be waiting for me to embrace her. Many times I had thought of escaping to see  Grandma. But I was afraid to get lost and never get to see her again. I was sure Grandma would come to see me. Then I would never leave her again.